Category Archives: Poker – General

A New Year, My West Coast Trip, and Changes

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James in Virginia City

First, I realize that I have not updated this blog since November. I just haven’t taken the time to do so. So, with that being said, I thought I would take some time and give you an update on my trip out west and my life in general.

Overall, my trip out west turned out well. The first day was a little shaky due to my plane getting grounded due to engine problems. However, after arriving to Vegas 8 hours late, I got to my hotel. The rooms at the 4 Queens were much nicer than I expected for the amount I paid. Nice pillow top beds and big plasma TV’s. Room service was also reasonably prices. Other than Subway, I mostly ate room service. (Subway ended up being higher than room service was on some occasions. Go figure.)

The Grand convention area inside of the Golden Nugget was a nice place to hold an event. I enjoyed my time at the Nugget. I wound up finishing 9th in one H.O.R.S.E. event and finished 5th in the Mixed Event. Unfortunately, the 5th place finish did not garner me any money due to only 21 players registering for the event. The event paid 3 spots. The H.O.R.S.E. event paid 9. While it appeared I just squeaked in the money, that was far from the case. Two players were much shorter than I was when we got to the money, but as things turned out, the short stacks kept doubling and I stayed card dead. I could have made the final table if I folded the last hand I played, but thats how it goes.

The same week I cashed at the Nugget, I finished 4th in a H.O.R.S.E. event at Green Valley Ranch. Again, I had enough chips to make the top three but the guy in 4th place went on an amazing run of cards. I can’t complain too much. I played well, made the final table, and cashed.

After Vegas, I went to Los Angeles for a few days. I decided to play in two events at the Bike. The first was an Omaha 8 or Better event. That event I never could get anything going and went out on back to back hands when my kings full ran into aces full and then my flopped set of kings was outdrawn by a Royal Flush. I was all in on the flop in the Royal Flush hand. Hey, if I am going to lose, thats the way to lose. The next day, I played in an Omaha 8 weekly tourney at Hawaain Gardens and finished 12th in that one. Unfortunately it paid 10. That tournament had an insane structure where with 20 players left, the chip leader of the tournament had only 10 big bets. The big stack at my table had 4. I had 2 big bets and I had 4,500 chips.

The Limit Holdem tournament at the Bike was the last event I played in L.A. This event had its ups and downs, but I went on a big of a run about mid way of the event to build a nice stack. I was able to make the money in the event and eventually finish 12th place. If I would have won one more pot late in the event, I would have made the final table as we made the final table about 10 minutes after I busted. It was cool though. I played well in the event and got my 15th pro cash. I don’t know what it is about Vegas and Los Angeles that makes me perform so well, but I seem to step up my game out there.

My goal for the trip poker wise was to cash twice with 1 final table at the Nugget and to cash once in L.A. I wound up making 1 cash and 1 final table in Vegas. Of course, I ended up playing 3 fewer events than I had planned. I played 3 events as opposed to 6 events. The cash at Green Valley I don’t count since it does not count towards lifetime stats. Since I played fewer events in Vegas, I consider myself as hitting my goal. The L.A. trip, I met my goal.

After leaving L.A., I drove out to Reno to check it out. Reno is basically a smaller version of Vegas. It was ok, but I only played in one casino out there. I played at the Peppermill, where I played a couple hours at $3-$6 Omaha 8. It was a decent game, but after a couple of hours, I was bored. The Limit Holdem table had 15 names on it, so I left. The next day, I decided to head out to Virginia City, NV.

First, I stopped at the Fandango Casino in Carson City, NV. I had to pass a couple of hours before I could check into my hotel, so I decided to play in the Noon No Limit tourney. $35 with rebuys to the final table. I get into the room to play and the guy running the event is familiar. I ask him how I might know him and he tells me he used to run the tournaments at the Bike. RUBEN!!!! I then remember him and reminded him about how I was the guy that wanted to play stud satellites all the time. He then remembered me. We both asked each other, “What are you doing out here.” I told Ruben about my reasons, and I found out from him that he was retired and just took the job at the Fandango cause the area was so laid back. He was right. This was a 3 table poker room and we didn’t fill the tables. As far as the tournament, I was one of the chip leaders until a hand with 11 players left where a guy went all in against me with middle pair against my top pair. He got lucky and paired his kicker and I was crippled. I then managed a double up just shy of the final table. I did not rebuy since I didn’t want to waste any more money on a tourney that will pay only three spots. My final hand, I get 9-2 in the big blind and see a free flop. I flop top pair and push. Unfortunately, my opponent held Q-9 and busted me. This is the same guy that got lucky against me earlier. Anywho, while I wasn’t happy with how things turned out, I couldn’t complain too much. Just before the tournament, I hit two four of a kinds on a video poker machine. It paid for my buy-in to the event and then some.

After the game, I go on to Virginia City. If you want to experience how things used to be, go to Virginia City. When they say you are stepping back in time, they mean it. You will not find ANY franchises anywhere in this town. The gas station is probably 50 years old. It was a lot of fun to stay in this town. I played a lot at the local saloons. They had some video poker machines with great odds and some that still paid coins. I only had one losing day in Va City playing video poker and I won overall for the trip there. One day, I literally went around to every Saloon that was open and hit for a minimum of 30 bucks at each one. The Saloon owners were not happy with me that day. I also took some old western style pics while I was there. One of them is above.

After Virginia City, I went back to Vegas and spent a few more days before coming back home. I didn’t play anymore poker on the trip and mostly just played Video Poker. Anywho, the trip was a blast overall and I just mostly hit the highlights.

Now on to the new year. The theme for this year for myself will be health and music. On the 5th, I started working out with a personal trainer to help me lose weight. I have let my way get and stay out of control for much too long and I plan to take back the control. My goal is to get under 300 lbs eventually. I started at an insane weight of 425.6 pounds. My initial goal is to get under 400. So far, I am doing well as I am down to 417 as of today. That’s 8.6 pounds thus far. I am both dieting and exercising with the assistance of my personal trainer Tara. I truly feel that with the plan I am on, I will succeed this time. I will keep updates on this blog and let you know my progress.

The other part of this year’s theme is music. I have officially started taking piano lessons at the Mendez Academy of Music in Lynchburg, Va. Erin gave me some lessons at one point and I will now take them to another level and try to learn the piano properly. I have always wanted to play but thought it would be too difficult. Erin proved me wrong and so now I want to learn how to play.

I will continue with my poker writing. I have to fund my changes of course. As far as my poker playing, I don’t know when I will be playing in another event. I think focusing on my health will be my biggest concern. If I don’t have my health, poker becomes irrelevant. The next trip I will take will probably be the World Series of Poker in June. When I go, I will probably only go a couple of weeks as I will be working 4-H camp this year.

Anyway, I have a lot of busy and interesting times ahead of me. Keep reading as I will keep you updated about my journey.

Lack of Updates, WSOP Main Event Final Table, Vegas, and the Election

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Yes, I know I haven’t updated this page in quite a while. That is totally my fault. I have been mega busy working. I have a couple of clients that have been keeping me very busy and at one point I had over 100 poker articles to write. I actually completed all of them and this week I have been slacking in comparison to the past two to three weeks. Of course my “slacking” still made me more money than a lot of people make a week. Yes, that sounds like bragging, and it is.

So we have a new President of the United State. Barack Obama won in convincing fashion over John McCain. I voted for McCain, but not without seriously considering Obama. I was leaning his way all the way to almost the end. Taxes and certain statements he made started me to lean McCain. Everyone that is buying into the “only the $250,000 and up crowd will see more taxes” need to do your research. Now, things may change and the plan may turn out better than what my research indicates. In a way I hope so. This isn’t because Obama won, but because the country typically prospers economically under a democratic president. There are certain points to Obama that I did like as well, so it wasn’t a “Obama bad, McCain good”type of vote. My research indicates that I would be potentially better off under Obama than McCain, and therefore I voted as such.

Now, with that being said, this election showed me the flaw in our current electoral system, especially for my state. In my state, the overall popular vote was significantly influenced by about 6 areas. In Missouri, the vote for the entire state was influenced primarily by Kansas City and St Louis. Due to the fact that these areas are much more heavily populated, the balance of power is shifted such to where if a candidate is a heavy winner, such as Obama was, then the state stands a chance to go to that candidate.

What should we do? I like what Nebraska and Maine do. First, they give the vote representing the two senators to the overall popular election. Then, the rest of the votes go by who won the popular vote in the particular district. For instance, look at Virginia. Lets say that a candidate wins the overall popular vote. He would get the two votes automatically. Next, the other 11 votes would be divided up according to who won the popular vote in the particular district. Lets say that the candidate won 6 of the districts. Then he would get 6 of the electoral votes and the opposing candidate would have gotten the other 5. I like this better as it prevents a few areas from swaying an entire state and actually makes the individual vote count more.

Now, I am not saying that using this system would have won McCain the election. It probably would not. It would have made it closer and a little more in line what the country actually thinks. I’m sorry folks, but from what I am seeing, the majority of the county was not overwhelmingly in favor of Obama. If you were in a big city or a highly liberal state, then yes, but in other states, such as Missouri and Virginia, the state was clearly not head over heels for Obama.

The WSOP Final table is tomorrow. I’m still of the opinion that this was a bad idea for the game. We will finally get to see tomorrow who will play heads-up and then Monday who will win. I shouldn’t say this, but I am rooting for some type of screwed up abnormality so that they won’t do this again. However, ratings are up and if ESPN decrees it’s good, it will likely be back.

Just a couple of weeks now before I head out to Vegas. I am looking forward to it. I tried playing some last night and did so-so. Of course, I was playing tired and played too distracted. Still managed a 2nd and 1st place finish out of three games played. My stud game play seems to be getting better in all realms. I hope this translates into strong H.O.R.S.E. finishes in Vegas as I am playing two H.O.R.S.E. events. I will be staying at the 4 Queens downtown. I’m also really hoping that this event draws decent. I would hate to go all that way for a bunch of tourneys that don’t draw over 50.

Back on the Tournament Trail Again

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It has officially been one year since I took a trip for the sole purpose of playing in a tournament.  Last year I played in the United States Poker Championships and then took a hiatis from poker due to financial reasons.  I took my poker bankroll and turned it into rent and expenses money.  From that point, most of you know my journey from business owner to poker writer.  Well, as of next month, I will be back on the road playing tournaments again.

The Fall Poker Classic at the Golden Nugget casino in Las Vegas will take place starting Nov 24th and I will be there.   Every event except the Women’s event is a non-holdem event.  Right up my alley.  It should be a blast.  I will be staying at the 4 Queens Hotel and Casino due to a great rate I found there.  I plan to go out and do well at the Nugget.  The tourney set looks to be a great one.  I hope the structures match the promise.

After the event, I am not quite sure what I am up to next.  I may stay in California a few days and play out there.  There will be a couple of events at the Bike I might play and I would like to play some west coast stud and stud 8.  That’s not a definite yet.  The Tunica Circuit event is out and the schedule looks ok now that they have posted the right one.  I might go down there for a week in January.  I am not sure yet.  I’m also going to see if the Trump is going to put up a schedule for December for their Trump Classic.

One of my new gigs looks to be able to provide me enough stability financially to allow me to travel again, and if it keeps up, that will be great.  Not much else going on right now with me other than staying busy.  Depending on how I feel, I may drive up to AC this week and play some cash games.  I can’t wait to get back out on the poker trail.  And now that my work is actually centered around poker, my play will support my work.

United States Poker Championship Draws Air

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Last year the United States Poker Championship drew over 164 players.  The winner took home over $606k in prize money.  ESPN had another set of poker reruns that they could run over and over again.

Enter the 2008 United States Poker Championship…..

ESPN decides not to renew their contract to broadcast the USPC.  What happens as a result?  The total number of players for the Main Event clocked in at 52, and that was after they let 2 players register late.  What a difference a year, and a lack of TV coverage makes.

This goes to show you the state of a lot of major poker championships.  If there isn’t any TV exposure involved, then the drawing power just isn’t there anymore.  Events like the World Series of Poker will still draw crowds regardless of TV coverage.  It is the World Series.  People will come.  However, what reason do they have to come for the United States Poker Championship.  The answer used to be, “To get on TV.”  Now the answer is…….you tell me.   It isn’t to win the prize money.  If that is the case Antonio Esfandiari would have hung around and played.  He showed up, but decided not to play.  I guess 200k just isn’t worth the effort.  It goes to show you that money isn’t the only driving force in poker today.

With that said, what about me?  What have I been up to?  Writing, writing, and more writing really.  I have had a couple of projects that have taken up a lot of my time.  The good news is that I have made enough money to where I am not going to be struggling to pay bills for a while.  In fact, I am seriously looking to find a tournament set I deem worthy to play.  Shakopee is out.  I looked at the schedule and it was “ok,” but the structures are horrible.  The USPC is out because I was too busy and bluntly, I have never played well overall in AC in tournaments.   Tunica is a possibility.  I am waiting for the schedule.  The Golden Nugget in Las Vegas is holding a tournament next month that is all Non-Holdem events.  The buy-ins are somewhat low and I am considering that one.  I could actually stay 7 days across the road at Binion’s and probably play the entire set for a grand total of $2,000, including airfare and plane ticket.

I think I will look around a bit more before making a final decision.  I would really like to do Tunica tho as I might could tie it into my writing better since it is a WSOP Circuit event and two of my blogs are WSOP blogs.  Of course, the AC Circuit is in December, but I will bet you that it will be all NL crapshoot.

Sweating Tourneys on PokerStars

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I’m currently sitting here watching a guy on PokerStars play in a couple of tourneys and giving advice along the way in a certain game.  Mostly on Stud 8 and some on Stud.   He has done pretty well and is at the final table of one tourney right now with the chip lead.  Should be interesting to see if he wins.  In the time I typed this sentence he just became second in chips.  It is interesting watching people play mixed games that are weak in a couple.  Fortunately he was bright enough to seek help.  Anywho, not much else going on.

They are down to three.   He has a decent chance to win.  I guess we will see what happens.

Birthday, NL 2-7 Lowball, and Stud 8 or Better Runs

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September 13, 1975 is when it all started.  From that day forth the world has been host to THE James.  Today is the celebration of that day.  And what am I doing for this grand day?  My ass is getting up early, going to a bunkhouse kitchen and entering shooting scores into a computer.  Ya, real exciting eh?  Well, not all 4-H volunteer work is exciting, but it has to be done.  I’ll be going a little early so I can go have a birthday dinner with my friend Summer.

Have you ever had one of your friends go off in such a rage of anger that you end up touched about how much they really care about you?   That happened to me this week.  I won’t go into the why my friend went off like she did, but by the time she was done I was really touched by what she said, even if she was hopping mad when she said it.

Tomorrow, I am going with my friend Erin to see Mamma Mia.  She couldn’t get together with me today because of her working.  Believe it or not, I picked this movie.  For those of you that look at me cockeyed, realize I am a person who saw Sweeney Todd at the theatre 4 times.  Besides, the only other movie I wanted to see I promised another female friend I would go see Wednesday.

Lately, I have been playing a lot of NL Single Draw 2-7 Lowball sit-n-gos on PokerStars.  With the exception of one, I have at least cashed in every one.  In these Sngs you must make it heads-up to make the money.  Today I played 3.  I won two and finished 2nd in the other one.  I have been have somewhat poor results in triple draw limit lowball.  I found out really quick in this game how wide of an array of hands you can consistently win with.  One thing that I do like to still try and stick with is to try and only do 1 card draws while we are still 4 handed or more.  Obviously that doesn’t always become the case, but I try.

My runs in Stud 8 or Better lately have been pretty bad.  Some of it is frankly bad play on my part.  I have been making a few plays and getting too fancy.  In the last day or so, I have went back to playing with a little more sense and have at least finished ahead in every session.  I think I need to go back and focus on playing some tournaments as opposed to the cash games I have been playing.  I enjoy tournaments a lot more and I seem to focus harder on them.

Speaking of which, I have tried to pick up a couple of books to work on my Stud HI tournament game a little bit.  I am a good stud player.  I know this, but my tournament results live when I have played have been outright horrible.  My feeling is my problem comes from playing a certain style that doesn’t work as well as it should in tournaments.  I’m going to take a look at a couple of books and see if I can get some inspiration.  I may just end up getting a friend of mine to sit me down and teach me some finer points like Bill Boston taught me regarding Stud 8.

I intended to go to Atlantic City sometime this coming week for the United States Poker Championships.  That’s not happening now.  I love the schedule, but I am holding onto my money and also focusing some on my writing.  My gigs have really picked up lately, especially from one dude that has me writing a lot on poker.  I talked to the guy at PokerNews about future gigs with them and it isn’t looking real promising.  I got the “we may have work” line.  I probably won’t hear from them until around WSOP time.   That’s fine too.  Actually, if things keep going the way they are with this one client writing, I may not want to take on any other gigs for a while.  That wouldn’t upset me at all.

Anywho, have a great weekend all.  Maybe Ill come back and tell you what Summer got me for my birthday.

Carlos Mencia Gave Me Props

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Carlos Mencia, my friend Summer, and myself


Tonight, my friend Summer and I went to check out Carlos Mencia at the Richmond Funny Bone. The Funny Bone is THE comedy club in the state. This was the third time Summer and I had been there and the first time for a major comedian. It was fucking awesome. Carlos is one of Summer’s comedic idols and she was stoked. She texted me around 3 am Sunday to tell me about the show and we wound up reserving tickets for the 7:30 show tonight.

The show was opened by Carlos’ brother Joseph. Yes, that is the same Joseph from the show. Juan Villareal was the next performer. He was good but looked like he belonged in a Grand Theft Auto game. Next, Cristela Alonzo performed. She has written for Mind of Mencia. Very cute. Great comedian. She actually pointed out first that Juan looked like he belonged in GTA. Her opening was great. To paraphrase she said first you have Joseph, who you can’t understand followed by Juan who looked like he belonged in a Grand Theft Auto game. Then you have me, “I actually went to college. Her bit about rappers promising shit to women was classic. Next Brad Williams came out to perform. Contrary to popular belief, he is NOT Wee Man. He gave shit to everyone. His bit about deaf people being politically incorrect was awesome.

Finally we get to the man we all came to see, Carlos Mencia. His opening set about the Olympics was great. I don’t know if he put this material together before the Olympics or waited until afterwards, but it was awesome. As usual, he doesn’t pull any punches. The tornader and potater bits were great, especially when he figured out HOW they got r’s at the end of potato and tornado. Also, some of his jokes are fairly high brow. There were a few that maybe 10% of the people in the room got. Of course, he had to give everyone else shit about falling off the comedy bus. Ding! Fries ready. “They have some soft pillers.”

Even New Orleans got shit. You have to really stop to think like he said. They build New Orleans below sea level and in the early 1900′s a hurricane fucked it up. Then of course we know what happened with Katrina, and they still rebuilt. To quote him, there a retard going “Maybe you should put some dirt on it and build it up some…” Ding! Fries ready!

The Obama and politic bit was great. Obama is apparently going to be the Abraham Lincoln for white people. If you want to know what I am talking about, BUY A TICKET AT THE NEXT SHOW. Ding! Fries ready!

At the end of the show, Carlos and the gang got up on stage to tell some various jokes. What do you call a mexican baptismal? Bean dip. How do you know if you are at a gay cookout? The hot dogs taste like shit. And my favorite, “What do fat chicks and bricks have in common? They both will get laid by mexicans.”

After the show was equally great. They were selling merchandise, taking pictures, etc. You had to pay $20 to have your pic taken with Carlos. I paid for it so that Summer could have a copy. (The pic is above.) The best part of the night happened then. We got up there to take our pic and Carlos real quick checked out Summer. He leaned over to me just so only I could hear and said, “Good for you man!” Obviously he approves. LOL. Summer got a kick out of it too when I told her cause “Carlos Mencia thinks she is hot.” Funny shit. After he signed her stuff, I got distracted for a sec and I was going to get him to sign my glass. I then noticed the next people were there. I was going to go off and he was like, “No man, what you want me to sign?” See that was cool too. It wasn’t just an assembly line sign off and send on. Summer and I took off and went back to the car and she was gushing for a while and we just kinda hung out. Anywho, a little while later, I was finally driving off and we could see Carlos sitting on one of the tables talking to about 5 or 6 fans. It was only him, some of his crew and the few fans. It was good that he was willing to hang around like that and talk to people. Shit like that is going to get people coming back. I know if we get another chance to see him, we will be there.

Now I need to find a place nearby that Robin Williams will be performing.

So I Happen to Be Awake at 10 A.M.

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The last few days my sleep patterns have been reversed.  For those of you looking at me confused, that means I am sleeping like a NORMAL PERSON.  What the hell?  The good thing is that I have picked up two more clients.  I don’t know how the volume will pan out, but I have been paid for the work done so far.  Seems like whatever I try and pursue, I wind up successful in some fashion or another.

Schedules have come out for events this month and next in Oklahoma and Tunica and both have a good mix of games.  If it weren’t for the expense of getting to Oklahoma, I would go out there and play the events.  I’m still toying with Tunica.  I may choose that over Atlantic City.  I haven’t had the best of luck in AC tourneys other than daily’s.  Plus, the Tunica events are cheaper.  The one downside is that the trip is twice as long as the AC trip.  I may just go up to AC and play cash games.  Yes, I’ve probably already said that, but I’m still toying with the idea.  I saw the schedule for the Bike’s Big Poker Ocktober.  I am not impressed.  One Omaha Hi-Lo and one Stud Hi-Lo event, and the rest crapshoot.   I am waiting to see what the Commerce puts out.   Yes, I am contemplating a trip out west.  When?  Who knows.  How am I getting the money?  Who knows.

I wrote an article today on Omaha Hi-Lo.  I thought I would have a hard time coming up with an 1,000 word article introducing the game and providing basic strategy.  I fooled myself.  There is so much involved just educating a player how to play the game properly that I didn’t really get much into starting hand values etc.  I wound up making the article an introduction to Omaha and will have to write a second article on beginner strategy.    Other games, I didnt have to do this as I didn’t have certain aspect of the game to explain.  Works for me tho, more money from the articles.

For those of you asking, no, I haven’t heard anymore from PokerNews about future work.  Others are getting gigs and I am not even getting replies to messages.  Oh well.  It’s always best to go out and find your own clients anyway folks.   I would love to have enough writing and blogging gigs to where I don’t need another job.  I’m working on it.

I truly think that  I am done with the data business for good.  I just don’t have the desire to work it anymore.  The money was good while it lasted but the landscape of the business model changed too much to make my way of doing things profitable anymore.  Change occurs inevitably.  I cannot complain however.  My house is paid for, as well as my car.  Many people twice my age cannot boast that.

I was asked last night if I had been playing any lately.  I wish I could say I felt like it, but I don’t.  Online poker just doesn’t do it for me.  If I am going to play, I want to play live.  Even then, I can only play so much before I am bored with it.  A certain person keeps trying to get me to come play a game locally and at their home game. I just am not interested.  I’ll read about it, write about it, even watch it on TV.  Play?  Nah, don’t feel like it.

I’m Horny, and You Can Be Too!

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Why am I horny?  Besides being male?  I have a good reason to be, but I digress.

I’ve been doing some freelance writing lately.  Trying to pick up some writing contracts.  So far it has been slow going, but I have one guy that is using me to write some poker related content.  I’m also waiting to hear back from a couple others.

I’m no longer obsessed with Holdem.  Thanks for asking.

Did anyone here ever see the episode of Press Your Luck where the guy won over 100k.  He memorized the light and slide patterns.  I watched the episodes and it was blatantly obvious that something was up.  The guy got his money, and apparently was an idiot in how he spent it.  I guess he got a life Whammy.  :-)

For those of you wanting to see more Melissa Castello, she will be covering the APPT in Macau.   Yay Melissa!

Also thanks to Amy Calistri for adding me to her blogroll.  (You know some of you other folks could do the same.  Slackers.)

I’m Not Wearing Underpants

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Why do the trees wave at you in the morning time? Their branches wave back and forth as to say, “Hey! Look at me and how chipper I am at 9 am.” Don’t they know I am not a morning person? I mean c’mon, don’t you think they would have better things to do?

Do you ever stop and try and figure out what dogs are saying when they bark at you? I do. Sometimes, I will try and bark back at them in the same pitch and voice. Sometime they stop and look at me like I’m crazy. They just need to learn how to speak English and make things simpler. Yo no hablo woof woof.

Cards are in the air. One time, I would love to see a dealer go, “52 Card Pickup!” and toss the cards everywhere. Then the saying would actually fit.

I’m still waiting for my Egg McMuffin Jolyn.

Have you ever seen a pink and purple polka dotted elephant wearing an athletic V-neck top? I have. And I was sober.

I was talking to the floorwoman (see egg mcmuffin above) one day and she told me about the first time they held the Roshambo tournament at the World Series. At the time she was a dealer and the only Roshambo she ever heard of was SOUTH PARK ROSHAMBO. Suffice it to say she REALLY wanted to see how that was going to go down.

Gluing a phone to a camera does NOT make a camera phone.

Pink Monkeys are not blue.

And last but not least,

Wet Dogs Smell Pretty.